The Hitman

Gratitude for Sins Forgiven And The Power to Transform a Life.

The details of this story have been changed to protect the identities of those involved, but its message remains powerful and true. It began with an ex-soldier—a man who had seen war up close during his service overseas. After returning home, he had spent over a year trying to reintegrate into civilian life. Now, he sat across from his physician for a routine physical exam. On the surface, everything seemed to be in order; his lab results and overall health were pristine. But the doctor could sense there was more beneath the surface.

During the conversation, the doctor noted that on a health history form used to assess patients, the man had indicated high levels of guilt. The form included questions about lifestyle, habits, and mental well-being, with sections on both positive and negative influences. While the former soldier’s responses generally reflected a well-balanced life, one answer stood out: he struggled with guilt.

“Hey, what’s this?” the doctor asked, pointing to the guilt question. “Everything looks great except for this. What’s going on?”

The man stiffened. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied.

The doctor continued gently, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I do need to ask—does it affect your health?”

After a long pause, the former soldier finally admitted, “Yes, I suppose it does.”

“As your physician, I deal with all aspects of health, not just the physical,” the doctor said, allowing his words to trail off, leaving room for the man to decide how to respond.

The former soldier sighed and leaned forward, as if preparing to release a heavy burden. “Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. You really want to know? I will tell you.  I’m a hitman.”

How did you get into that line of work?”

At first the doctor was taken aback but remained composed and did not flinch.  He simply and calmly replied,  “That’s interesting. How did you get into that line of work?”

The veteran took a deep breath before sharing his story. “When I was young, I wanted power. I noticed that the people with the most power were the ones who weren’t afraid to risk everything, even to take a life. So, I joined the Armed Forces to learn how to be a trained killer. I excelled at it. I became an advanced sniper, the kind of soldier who could take out an enemy without being seen. I earned awards and respect for saving the lives of my comrades. I was good at it—powerful even—and appreciated by the people I served with.”

The doctor listened attentively. “Well, that is all fine, but it does not sound like guilt to me.  What is it that made you feel guilty?”

“Well,” the veteran continued, “when the war was over, I came back home. Suddenly, I had no skills that were useful for civilian life except for what I’d learned in the military. I struggled to find a job that could support me. Finally, I found people who could use my skills. I became a hitman. I hurt people for a living.”

There was a heaviness in his words, and the doctor sensed the depth of his internal struggle. “You’ve told me what you did, but again, it sounds more like that’s just the way life unfolded for you. I still must question, is that really what is bothering you?”

The former soldier’s voice softened as he confessed, “No, that is not what is bothering me.  The problem is, I’ve become a Christian. I know Jesus now, and I understand grace and forgiveness and his desire for me to be like him. But there are things I’ve done—things I’ve done to people—and I just don’t know if I will ever be able to change.”

The Struggle to Leave the Old Life Behind

As the veteran spoke, the doctor could hear the war within him—a battle not just against his past, but against a sense of powerlessness to change from his current way of life. He was trapped between who he used to be and who he wanted to become. The guilt that weighed on him was not just about his actions; it was about feeling unworthy of the new life he was trying to live.

The doctor responded thoughtfully, “It sounds like you’re struggling to accept that change is even possible. But you know, real transformation begins with forgiveness. You can’t move forward and overcome the old life if you’re still chained to the guilt of your past. The power to change doesn’t come from your own strength; it comes from the forgiveness and grace that Christ offers.”

You sound like you think you’re just that important.

The former soldier looked up, his eyes filled with doubt and a hint of defiance. “But how can I accept forgiveness for things like that? There are things I have done that there is no forgiveness for.”

The doctor paused, choosing his words carefully. “You know, you sound like you think you’re just that important.”

The ex-soldier’s expression darkened as he leaned forward. His eyes narrowed, and his fist tightened. “What do you mean by that?” he asked, his voice tense. “Would you care to explain yourself?”  The soldier asked this question in such a way that let the doctor know it was not a question but a demand.

The doctor met his gaze and responded, “It sounds like you think you’re the one who is all-powerful, all-glorious, and deserving of worship. It sounds like you believe you were the one who, despite your glory, left it all to become helpless and vulnerable—like a newborn babe in a mother’s arms, living a perfect life in a sinful world. It sounds like you think you were the one who remained sinless amid the wickedness around you, and that it was you who was nailed to a cross, giving up your life for others. You sound like you think you were the one who cried out in agony, ‘Father, why have you forsaken me?’ and who, while hanging on the cross, prayed for those who hurt you, saying, ‘Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.’

“My friend, I need to let you know that when it comes to yourself, forgiveness is not yours to give; forgiveness is only yours to receive,” the doctor continued, his voice steady and sincere. “It was never yours to give because you didn’t die on that cross. Forgiveness is something you must accept. And if you don’t receive Christ’s forgiveness, you’re still living in rebellion, just in a different way.”

Forgiveness is not yours to give; forgiveness is only yours to receive

The room fell silent as the ex-soldier sat back, absorbing the words. Slowly, his eyes softened, and the tension drained from his posture. The doctor had touched on something profound—his need not only to give forgiveness to others but to accept it for himself. The man realized that in his new life as a Christian, he had embraced many aspects of faith but had struggled to accept that even his darkest actions could be covered by the grace of God. It was in the power of forgiveness that God could change him.

Receiving Forgiveness as the Path to Transformation

The doctor continued, “Forgiveness is not about what you deserve; it’s about what Christ has already done. You see, the power to change—to truly leave your old life behind—comes from accepting that you have been forgiven. That’s the starting point. When you realize that Jesus paid the price for all your sins, even the ones you think are unforgivable, then you can live in the freedom and strength that forgiveness brings.”

He added, “It’s like trying to lift a heavy weight off the ground. If you refuse to let go of the guilt, it’s as if you’re adding more weight to the bar. But when you accept forgiveness, you release that burden and finally have the strength to rise up and change. It is gratitude for sins forgiven that fuels the power for change.”

The room was silent again, but this time the stillness was different. There was a sense of peace that seemed to fill the air. The ex-soldier took a deep breath as though finally letting go of a breath he had been holding for years.

It is gratitude for sins forgiven that fuels the power for change

“I think I understand,” he said slowly. “I’ve been trying to do this on my own. I thought I had to make up for everything I did. But it was overwhelming.  I had been so evil.  If what you’re saying is true, then I don’t have to stay stuck anymore.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s right. You don’t have to stay stuck. The same grace that forgives also empowers you to live a new life. That’s why Christ’s forgiveness is not just about the past; it’s about giving you a new future.”

A Resolve to Change

Before walking out into the sunlight, he whispered a prayer with the doctor, thanking God for the gift of forgiveness and the newfound strength to change. He was determined to live differently—not because he was trying to earn God’s grace, but because he had finally received it.

As the veteran left the office, there was a new resolve in his step. He understood that leaving his old life behind would not be easy, but it was now possible. He was committed to living a new life. He realized that accepting forgiveness was not just a step toward peace; it was the key to overcoming the darkness of his past. For the first time, he felt a freedom he hadn’t known before. The weight of guilt was no longer his to carry; it had been lifted by the One who had already carried it to the cross.

The Lesson for Us All

The story of the veteran soldier and the doctor is a powerful reminder that forgiveness is not just about letting go of what others have done to us; it’s about accepting the forgiveness of God offered for our own sins. We all carry burdens, regrets, and guilt from things we have done or left undone. Like the soldier, we may think there are sins we have committed there is no forgiveness for. But when we cling to this mindset, we are essentially placing ourselves above God, as if our sins are too significant for even Him to cleanse.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The Bible says in 1 John 1: 8-9, If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.   We are all susceptible to the trap of believing that our mistakes are beyond God’s mercy. But if we are to walk in the freedom that Christ offers, we must learn to receive forgiveness with open hearts.

The power to change is not found in our own determination, but in the gratitude that springs from knowing we are forgiven. This gratitude becomes the fuel that propels us forward, allowing us to live lives that are no longer shackled by the past, but filled with the hope and strength that come from God’s redeeming love.

Receiving forgiveness can often be the hardest part of the healing process because it requires humility. It means acknowledging that we are not the ultimate authority and that we need God’s grace just as much as anyone else. The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was not just for those who commit “small sins” but for everyone, including those with the deepest, most hidden wounds.

A Call to Embrace Forgiveness and Live Changed Lives

Are we any different from the veteran soldier who struggled to leave his past behind? We all have regrets and burdens we carry, but we don’t have to remain trapped by them. Christ’s sacrifice was made for all of us, no matter how dark our past may be. If we are to walk in the freedom that He offers, we must be willing to let go of our guilt and receive His forgiveness.

Let us embrace the truth that forgiveness is not something we give to ourselves; it is a gift we receive from Christ. In accepting it, we find the strength to leave behind our old lives and walk in newness of life. May we all have the courage to receive that forgiveness, and with it, the power to truly change.

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