A New Heart

Isaiah 49:6 (NKJV): “Indeed He says, ‘It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant To raise up the tribes of Jacob, And to restore the preserved ones of Israel; I will also give You as a light to the Gentiles, That You should be My salvation to the ends of the earth.’ ”

Dick (I have permission to share his story from his widow)

Although Dick’s whole family were Christians, he was not a believer in God.  He was one of the kindest men you could ever know. Gentle, humble, unassuming, and loving, Dick was an atheist.  Dick had so much love to share that he had adopted about 1/2 dozen young Asian children and raised about half of them to adulthood.  The others lived at home in their pre-teen and teen years.  When they came to the office, you could see how they loved and revered their adoptive father.  You knew their lives must have been so blessed living with a man with so much love and such a big heart.  

Dick had a liver transplant years ago and, over the years, had been coming in periodically for labs to monitor his anti-rejection drugs.  During the time I had known him, I had developed a fondness for this tall man with a quiet demeanor.  I enjoyed speaking to him as kindness just flowed from him in conversation.  We often had conversations about life issues, and I occasionally asked about his spiritual life.  On these occasions, he would smile and say something like, “No, I don’t believe in God.” Then, the conversation would shift, and we would go on to other topics.  Dick was just one of those patients you loved to talk to because of his optimistic words, his positive influence, and his obvious caring for people around him.  

One day, on his routine follow-up at his transplant center, he received bad news.  He had developed cancer of the liver.  This was likely caused by the anti-rejection drugs that he was taking.  Immediately, his transplant center began a course of chemotherapy, and he tolerated the regimen well, initially.  The center managing his chemotherapy was in Texas, and he lived in Idaho, so he often flew back and forth between the two states.  Because of his change in status, he began to follow up in the office more frequently between visits to Texas.  We would monitor his condition between chemo runs and would review his labs for his anti-rejection therapy.  He was always positive, quietly upbeat, and self-assured in every office visit.  With his quiet demeanor, you might not know the serious circumstances that he was facing.  That was his way; he didn’t want others to worry about him.  He just went on with his day as if nothing was the matter.  

After about 18 months, the standard chemo was no longer holding the cancer in check.  He opted for a much more aggressive regimen that was very much more difficult to manage physically.  He would fly to Texas for chemo more often and, on multiple occasions, had to be admitted to the hospital in Texas due to serious side effects.  His trips to Texas were alone, and he hated being separated from the family he loved.  He hated being by himself, sick in some hotel room.  On more than one of those lonely nights in his hotel room in Texas, he got so sick that he thought he would die.  On one occasion, he was so sick and so lonely for his family that he aborted his treatment and flew home while critically ill, only to be admitted to the local hospital immediately upon arrival.  He had felt his death was imminent and wanted to be near family when he died.  Finally, even the harsh regimen stopped working.  He was offered one more experimental chemotherapy regimen that had no track record except the severe side effects that were highly likely to occur.  The new regimen held out the hope of a possible few more weeks of life but also the possibility it would not work at all, and he would be very sick for the last days of his life and separated from his dear family for the majority, if not all of those days.  It was at that time that Dick came to the office.  

“I need a friend.”

The reason Dick put on his sign-in form was, “I need a friend.”  When he came to the room, Dick appeared deeply troubled, and the level of distress was very unusual but noticeable.  He had come to the office because he was struggling with something emotionally and needed to discuss it.  He burst out that he needed to make a decision about the experimental chemotherapy.  He had been given only a few more weeks to live.  Through his tears, he blurted out his concern.  The issue was that the new chemo regimen involved being away from home for weeks, yet it held out only the slight hope of just a few more weeks of longer life.  He was grasping for even a few more days of life but did not want to go back to Texas because he would be away from his family.  In quiet tears, he shared that he felt he might die on his trip.  He had to decide whether to go to Texas or not, and he needed help.  To see my friend with tears and so distressed just broke my heart.  It was so different from the constant and assured demeanor that he had displayed throughout this long ordeal.  I was so sad.  He was in great emotional and physical pain, and I had so little hope to offer physically.  I needed to counsel him on his question about experimental chemotherapy in Texas, but before that, I felt the burning need in my heart to ask him a question.  

“Dick, I see the difficult circumstance you are in, but this struggle is causing more distress than I have seen in you in the past, why?  Why is this decision so much harder than the many hard decisions you have already faced?” 

He blurted out, “I know I am going to die, and I need to live.  I will do anything to live just a few more days.  I want to be with my family for those hours.  I can not stand the thought of separation from my family.  I can not bear the thought of never seeing them again or leaving them alone.  I am so sad to think of never seeing each other again.  If I die alone in Texas, then the time invested in chemo took away any more time I might have had with my family.  Dr., please help me decide because I can not bear to be separated from them, and I will do anything to live with them for just a few more days.”  

My heart was just broken.  I yearned to give my friend comfort.  His situation was so painful.  I sat silently for a long while, and we just looked at each other for a long moment.  Another question was burning in my heart, and I just needed to ask it.  “Dick, we have talked many times in the past, and I know how you believe, and I know you have stated you are an atheist.  But is there any possibility that you would be open to another option?” 

He replied, “Do you mean the option of believing in God?” 

“Yes”, I said. 

“Dr, I can’t believe in God.  With all the evil that is done in the world in the name of God, the fighting, the pain, and the suffering all caused by people who say they follow God, I can not believe there is a God if He would allow that.  And even if there was a God, I am not the kind of person that He would want.  I have not lived that kind of life.” 

“Dick, I wonder if you have not been given a view of the God that I know.  I wonder if the God that I know has been misrepresented to you.  Can I share a few stories from the Bible with you that might help you understand the God that I know?” 

“Sure,” he said.  

The Disciples and the boy with demons 

“Dick, the first story I want to tell you has to do with the disciples of Jesus.  The disciples were Jesus’ close friends, and He had taught them and guided them for some time.  Jesus had shown so much trust and confidence in the disciples that He had given them the power to heal the sick and cast out demons.  Recently, He sent them throughout Israel, and they practiced the new powers that He had given them.  Their reputation had spread wide and far as healers and as those who could cast out demons.  These men were known as the disciples of Jesus, as followers of the Son of God.  They now had a reputation that they had been given the power to heal, and they used their gift freely.  Although Jesus had given them a great gift, and they had been able to use this gift widely, they still bickered about who was greatest amongst them.  They were concerned with who would have the most influence in God’s kingdom.  Jesus had told them many times that this desire to be greatest was a sin.  He had admonished them to give up this selfish desire and serve one another.  They thought of keeping this sin of pride between themselves and hiding it from Jesus, but Jesus knew their hearts.  Although their sin pained him, He bore patiently with them.  

“At one point, Jesus was up on a mountain with three of His disciples.  He had taken only three disciples.  The nine left at the base of the mountain were unhappy.  In their unhappiness, they continued to bicker and argue.  While Jesus was away, a man who had heard of the ability of Jesus and the disciples to heal the sick and cast out demons thought he might bring his son to be healed.  Besides hearing of Jesus’ ability to heal, he also heard that Jesus claimed to be God, the Messiah who would deliver His people.  It was hard to believe such a claim, but his father’s heart was often crushed and broken as he looked at his sick child.  He frequently saw the son that he loved fall into the fire and be burned or into the water and nearly drown.  He wanted to bring his son for healing, but he did not know if he could believe.  As he was struggling to decide if Jesus was the Messiah, the king of Israel, he finally decided to bring his son for healing but determined NOT to believe Jesus was the Messiah if his child was not healed.  

The Holy Spirit…had checked out and did not tell the disciples He was leaving.

“The nine disciples waited at the base of the mountain Jesus had climbed.  In the valley, they were approached by the man who requested healing for his son.  The disciples knew they had been given the authority to heal.  They had practiced this gift on many occasions when away from Jesus.  But when they attempted to heal the boy, they could not.  They became frustrated, and they tried again and again.  Each time, their frustration and dismay grew.  They had been arguing about who would be greatest again, which was a sin.  Because of that sin, the Holy Spirit, who had given them the power to heal, had checked out and did not tell the disciples He was leaving.  Thus, they were powerless to heal any longer.  

“Those who hated Christ and his disciples had surrounded the disciples and spoke disparagingly about them and their Master.  They stated it was now apparent that everything they had heard about Jesus and His disciples was a hoax.  Here, they had evidence of the impotence and lack of power of the very disciples of Jesus.  The man whose son had been laid before the disciples was disappointed and was now confirmed in his disbelief because of the evident lack of power demonstrated in the disciples’ lives. 

“Dick,” I asked, “Have you ever been disappointed by those who called themselves Christians but showed in their lives nothing special?  Have you ever seen those who name the name of God demonstrating a complete lack of power in their own lives?”  Dick knowingly and silently nodded his head yes.  

I continued.  “About this time, Jesus came down from the mountain.  He quickly took everything in.  He knew just what had happened.  He could see the man with his sick son before the disciples.  He saw the frustrated look, the dismay of the disciples, and the joyful faces of their enemies who laughingly put them down.  He took it all in, and He knew.  When the crowd saw Jesus, they all ran up to Him.  Jesus asked what the commotion was all about. The man who had brought his son stepped forward and stated.  ‘I brought my son to your disciples to be healed, but they could not.’  He said, ‘But IF you can do anything, please heal my son.’  Jesus read the heart of this man.  He knew that the man would not believe unless his son was healed.  Jesus loved this man but knew his unbelief.  Jesus answered, ‘IF I can do anything? How about IF you can believe?’  In that very simple statement, the man knew that Jesus had read his heart.  He knew instantly in his soul that he was standing before the Messiah, who knew the thoughts of his mind.  He was convicted that he stood before the Son of God.  He now saw his unbelieving heart for what it was and realized suddenly that his own disbelief might stand in the way of the healing of his son that he so earnestly desired.  With sudden conviction, he humbly threw himself down at the feet of Jesus and exclaimed, ‘Lord, I believe!  Help my unbelief!’  And for Jesus, it was enough.  That faint glimmer of faith was enough.  Immediately, that little glimmer of faith was met with the full mercy and compassion of God.  ‘Bring me the boy,’ Jesus said…and Jesus healed him.  

“Dick,” I said, “Even when we know we are challenged by belief, if we will go to Jesus honestly, acknowledging our doubts, but seeking Him as the Savior, He will have mercy and compassion on us.  He knows our hearts and sees that His own disciples have disappointed us.  His own disciples have misrepresented His character, yet He knows our hearts and is still a God of mercy and compassion for those who will believe.”  

The Thief on the cross

I went on again.  “Dick, you were concerned that if there were a God, He would not want the likes of you.  You said that you had not lived that kind of life, implying God would reject you.  But let me tell you about when Jesus was on the cross.  Jesus was hanging on a cross with His hands and feet nailed to the wood.  He was in great pain.  He had done nothing wrong, but still, He was suffering for no fault of His own.  Jesus had been willing to die for His friends AND His enemies, but He was abandoned by both.  His friends left Him alone, and His enemies stood by and insulted Him.  He was suffering great pain, but more than the physical pain, He suffered loneliness.  There was a sense of loss, a sense of separation, and abandonment that broke His heart.  Everybody was against Him.  On every side, people yelled and screamed and put Him down.  For hours, He endured the abuse in silence.  It was as if He were deaf and did not hear all that was being said.  Even common criminals who had also been condemned to die were cursing and jeering at Him.  

“But somehow, one of the two criminals, a man who had done great evil in life and had been condemned to die, saw the way Jesus responded and began to wonder if this might be God.  The man himself, now condemned to die, had not set out to be evil.  He got in with the wrong crowd and was led down the wrong path, and now he was suffering for all his misdeeds.  He was convinced that he was getting what he deserved, but he was becoming aware of a growing conviction that Jesus might be the Savior, the Messiah.  For hours, Jesus had not responded verbally to anyone.  This man, ready to die, cried out his new conviction and said, ‘Jesus, remember me when you come to your kingdom.’  Through the noise and commotion that had continued for hours, the answer was immediate, it was clear, and it was definite; Jesus said, ‘You WILL be with Me in paradise.’  For Jesus, just that glimmer of faith was enough.  It was enough, and the compassion of God flowed immediately.  That is all it required.

“Dick, there is a verse in the Bible that goes like this: ‘Beloved, let us love one another.  For love is of God, and EVERYONE that loves (like God loves) is born of God and knows God….for God is love.’  Dick, the Bible says, EVERYONE that loves, implying loving as God loves, knows God.  Dick, do you love enough to suffer and die for others?”

“Yes, Doctor, I do.  I love people, and I love my family.  I would gladly suffer and lay my life down for them if that would make them live.” 

I said, ”Dick, that kind of love is no less than the working of the love of God.  I believe you have been born of God and have known God for a long time.  Although you have not named His name, you have lived in His power, the power of self-sacrificing love, and you are born of God.”  

 “I could love a God like that.”  

Dick sat in silence for a long time.  Finally, he asked, “Is that really what God is like?” 

“Yes,” I replied, “That is the God I know.” 

He stated, “I could love a God like that.”  We sat again in silence for a moment, and tears welled up in his eyes. 

“Why the tears, Dick?” 

He said, “My family will be so happy.  I left home this morning an atheist, and I am going back a Christian.”  

A couple of weeks later, I was charting in my exam room when one of the front office staff members came urgently to my room.  She told me that Dick’s wife was in the waiting room and needed to see me right away.  I asked them to bring her back immediately.  When she got to the room, she told me that Dick was going to die that day.  I was so sorry to hear that.  My friend was slipping away.  I asked her why she had come to the office when she needed to be at the bedside of her dying husband.  She stated she had been there for many long hours but felt convicted in her heart that she needed to come away to talk to me in the office just then because she needed to share something with me.  She stated, “I don’t know what happened during your office visit with my husband several weeks ago, but when he came home, we knew he was a converted man.  He was no longer afraid to die but had great peace.  We knew he had the assurance of salvation.  He spoke of his faith in Jesus and his certainty of eternal life.  We all knew he was genuine, and our whole family rejoiced because we knew we would be reunited with him in heaven.  We often heard him quietly saying to himself, ‘Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.’  I just felt the need to come here and say thank you.  You see, this office is the only church my husband ever stepped into.  And you are the only pastor he has ever known.”  

John 10:16 (NKJV):

“And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.”

(Shared with permission)